Frankenstein was hard to read, I cannot even lie about that.
Why?
Because Victor was complaining about his deplorable situation the entire time. It may have been easier to feel sorry for him if he hadn't PUT HIMSELF IN IT! He created this creature, and then ran away from it and didn't see it for three years. It was like an abandoned baby. Um, why yes! It would have gone bad! Duh!
Abandoned children tend to have issues bonding. Why? Because they HAVE NOT bonded. You have to learn to do things, even bond. If you are not taught, you will not know how.
I feel like the Creature would have had a better chance of fitting into society if Victor had stayed with him and taught him how to be a normal human being, rather than abandoning him for three years and then telling him to go away when he found him. So many things are wrong with that, I don't even know where to start....
The only truly interesting parts involved the Creature telling his story. Yes, the Creature threatened Victor, but he didn't know any other way to not feel lonely. I am convinced of it. He had the human need to bond with another living being. And, at the end, the Creature expressed remorse for the harm he had caused Victor and his family.
I think Shelley meant to make the Creature one we could feel sympathy for, and that we were supposed to feel sympathy for Victor, too. But, she missed the boat on that one. I didn't feel sympathy for Victor. I felt annoyance and utter disgust. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that Tobey abandoned Kiley, and Victor abandoned the Creature. Deadbeat dads are useless in my mind. They waste good space. Victor wasted good space. It's almost as though Shelley was trying to make us feel more sorry for Victor, but I couldn't....
Having said that, I think Victor's initial intentions were good. He wanted people to be able to bring people that they loved back to life, but he also wanted these people to look to him as GOD, so MAYBE his ultimate intentions were selfish...hmmm.
I don't think that Victor should have destroyed the female creature, since he obviously was not going to try to assimilate his "child"- the Creature- into society. It's only fair, and it would help the Creature to fulfill that human need for a mate. Selfish? Possibly. Useful? Yes. I am not always against selfishness. I'm just not. Sometimes, human beings have to be selfish- so long as another is not negatively impacted. I feel strongly about that.
I also think that Shelley imposed too much drama into the story line. I think the book could have done with a little more toning down. Too much drama doesn't make a story believable. Although, if she were not going for believable, she did a good job tying everything together.
As a whole, I did not like the book. I found it to be whiny and overly dramatic. I tried to get into it. I did, but I just couldn't get past the whining. I haven't given up on Shelley yet. I will try to read her other books before I pass judgment on her writing!
Friday, September 28, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Living up to my own expectations
A common theme in my life has always been that I don't meet my expectations. I do today, even moreso Friday, but tomorrow, something may happen and and I'll flip back to that place where I don't meet my expectations.
Why? Because other people's opinions of me still has an effect on me. BUT, and some may not agree, I don't always think that that is necessarily a bad thing.
When you are trying to start your career, other people who have been doing it longer than you, people who are, frankly, better than you at what you are doing, will give you honest opinions that may or may not be helpful. BUT, I find that in 9 cases out of 10, they are, because they are honest. I have not had experience with instructors who were kind AND honest, but that is what I find I have at Findlay. They don't tell you that you are better than or worse than another, and they said that they never would.
And their philosophy is unspoken, that the idea is to improve on YOUR personal best, not to compete with other people. I think that is brilliant.
I've always been told that I'm better than so and so and that I will NEVER be as good as so and so. I've not heard too much that I've improved my personal best, but here I do. So, it is good to base your opinions of yourself off of certain things people say, off of constructive criticism. Also, there is beauty in separating the pieces of you. If someone is criticizing my riding, for example, they are not criticizing who I am as a person. If someone is suggesting that I ought to look at this side of myself and figure out what is causing me to behave the way I am, I know that they are simply trying to be helpful. As long as I use that as an opportunity to grow, whether or not what they are saying is accurate, there is growth to be gained from that comment. If I let it cause me to cry myself to sleep for weeks on end, that is a different story.
The point that I am trying to get out here is that there are multiple shades of grey when it comes to letting another get to us. What matters is what we do with it. If I do inventory, speak to my sponsor, speak to some friends and honestly tell that what happened and we decide that it's not accurate, I let it go. Sometimes, I have to let that person go too. NOBODY is worth my serenity, except Kiley. If it is helpful, I will work on that area, and not complain about it. If you are actively trying to improve me or my riding, I will take what you say into account and try that. And I will actively try to figure out if what you are saying is the truth, unless I already know it is. I DO care about what you think of me, if you know what you are talking about. The difference is that today, it won't consume me the way it did.
My basic expectations today is to keep improving ME. Don't take steps backwards. And if I do, I cannot beat myself up for it. I just have to work on getting back on track. This program, and this life, is about progress, not perfection. Today, it's a little easier to remember that than it was three years ago.
Why? Because other people's opinions of me still has an effect on me. BUT, and some may not agree, I don't always think that that is necessarily a bad thing.
When you are trying to start your career, other people who have been doing it longer than you, people who are, frankly, better than you at what you are doing, will give you honest opinions that may or may not be helpful. BUT, I find that in 9 cases out of 10, they are, because they are honest. I have not had experience with instructors who were kind AND honest, but that is what I find I have at Findlay. They don't tell you that you are better than or worse than another, and they said that they never would.
And their philosophy is unspoken, that the idea is to improve on YOUR personal best, not to compete with other people. I think that is brilliant.
I've always been told that I'm better than so and so and that I will NEVER be as good as so and so. I've not heard too much that I've improved my personal best, but here I do. So, it is good to base your opinions of yourself off of certain things people say, off of constructive criticism. Also, there is beauty in separating the pieces of you. If someone is criticizing my riding, for example, they are not criticizing who I am as a person. If someone is suggesting that I ought to look at this side of myself and figure out what is causing me to behave the way I am, I know that they are simply trying to be helpful. As long as I use that as an opportunity to grow, whether or not what they are saying is accurate, there is growth to be gained from that comment. If I let it cause me to cry myself to sleep for weeks on end, that is a different story.
The point that I am trying to get out here is that there are multiple shades of grey when it comes to letting another get to us. What matters is what we do with it. If I do inventory, speak to my sponsor, speak to some friends and honestly tell that what happened and we decide that it's not accurate, I let it go. Sometimes, I have to let that person go too. NOBODY is worth my serenity, except Kiley. If it is helpful, I will work on that area, and not complain about it. If you are actively trying to improve me or my riding, I will take what you say into account and try that. And I will actively try to figure out if what you are saying is the truth, unless I already know it is. I DO care about what you think of me, if you know what you are talking about. The difference is that today, it won't consume me the way it did.
My basic expectations today is to keep improving ME. Don't take steps backwards. And if I do, I cannot beat myself up for it. I just have to work on getting back on track. This program, and this life, is about progress, not perfection. Today, it's a little easier to remember that than it was three years ago.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Muse
My muse is hiding. I have tried to post entertaining stuff on here in the past, and it simply has not worked. I used to be able to write very entertaining things, then I got hardcore into drinking and have been in recovery for over three years but...my stuff here lately has not been so entertaining. The only logical explanation that I can come up with is that my muse must be hiding from me.... and I cannot find her/him/it. It's on the tip of my tongue, but I just cannot find the words. I have so much STUFF running through my head day in and day out. It's like cars traveling at a fast speed on a highway and I cannot get it to hold still long enough to write about it, which is too bad, because I LOVE to write.
Speaking of that car.... it not only is going fast, but it is doing all kinds of loops and spins and rolls. It is a mess, with dents and scratches all over, much like my brain....The only way to get it out of this funk is to force it out. Write. I'll write about Kiley below.
Here is Kiley on her 2nd birthday. All kinds of happy! She was riding her new tricycle in her helmet and fairy costume. All birthday presents, other than the helmet. She loves them! She also likes putting on lipstick, which she was given by my friends, Marilyn and Genna, for her birthday! She is so beautiful, which is surprising, seeing as neither her father or I are exactly beautiful. Decent looking, yes. Beautiful, no. Am I putting me down? No, but I am honest about myself. I am beautiful on the inside today, some days more than others. But, I make beautiful children, and she is a perfect example! She loves riding Kandi (my horse) and playing with dolls. And I love HER! When she was born, I never could have imagined how much, but she breaks the mold every day, makes my heart swell with pride, and teaches me what life is REALLY all about.
Oh, muse, come back soon!
Speaking of that car.... it not only is going fast, but it is doing all kinds of loops and spins and rolls. It is a mess, with dents and scratches all over, much like my brain....The only way to get it out of this funk is to force it out. Write. I'll write about Kiley below.
Here is Kiley on her 2nd birthday. All kinds of happy! She was riding her new tricycle in her helmet and fairy costume. All birthday presents, other than the helmet. She loves them! She also likes putting on lipstick, which she was given by my friends, Marilyn and Genna, for her birthday! She is so beautiful, which is surprising, seeing as neither her father or I are exactly beautiful. Decent looking, yes. Beautiful, no. Am I putting me down? No, but I am honest about myself. I am beautiful on the inside today, some days more than others. But, I make beautiful children, and she is a perfect example! She loves riding Kandi (my horse) and playing with dolls. And I love HER! When she was born, I never could have imagined how much, but she breaks the mold every day, makes my heart swell with pride, and teaches me what life is REALLY all about.
Oh, muse, come back soon!
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Modern Life
So, I was informed recently that my blog post about why I am pro-choice made me sound selfish. Combing through it, I am unsure which part makes me sound selfish. The part where I say every child should be wanted? Or the part where I say that we shouldn't put children here who will only suffer unnecessarily? Or the part where I said that MOST foster children are emancipated homeless? Perhaps someone ought to clear that up for me. I am quite confused. I rather think that all those reasons are selfless and that the conservative idea that babies should live, but not have any other assistance if needed it quite selfish, that QUALITY of life is just as important as the existence of it. So sue me. If that makes ME selfish, so be it. I guess I am selfish.
I started school at University of Findlay on August 20. It wasn't quite what I thought it would be, and I am more tired than I thought I would be. I tried to take the sophomore and junior riding classes, and Steve (Brown, the instructor) told me on day 3 that he thought I would be better and would learn more in the Freshman class. That was a blow to my ego. It was a crushing blow, especially since just 2 years ago, I was good and ready. He said I could stay in the sophomore class, but it was just one thing too much for me. I know that I need to go back to basics, that is clear to me. I ride like a stiff board again. I am nervous (?). I don't really know why, but that tells me that going back to the basics would be a good thing. I have learned some things, for sure, and feel more comfortable than I felt when I was trying to ride with the sophomores and juniors. I might get my associates, or I might get another bachelors on a part time basis. I have enough credits for it, but I would just need to see how that would work with financial aid.
I also have some ideas for internships/apprenticeships. One would be with Jordan, a barrel racer in Utica and Sunbury. One with Sherry in Sunbury, one with Patrick in Sunbury, and one with Mike Craig in Indiana. Or all of them. There are some things I like about all of them. Patrick, I know, is a world champion Reiner. I could learn something from them all. Sherry taught me to properly lunge Kandi, and she is real into Clinton Andersen Natural Horsemanship, which I have seen work. Here is his website. She's calmer than Patrick, which I am definitely more laid back as well. Plus, she doesn't let her ego get in the way- she will let you know if she does not know something. Also, I may show Kandi this Spring, if I have the funds. This means I have to find a job, and this time I want to look for one that I might truly enjoy. One from home might be nice....That would be nice, not having to take out as much money for living expenses....
Also, I am in an Intro to Law class, which is fascinating. I don't know if I want to go into Law or not, but it is certainly an interesting field to study, and I would love to study it more. Also, I have recently become interested in Transportation, specifically RVs and horse trailers. I don't know anything about them, but they are interesting. I think I should just become an entrepreneur. I have so many business interests and I don't like to sit there at a computer....
I started school at University of Findlay on August 20. It wasn't quite what I thought it would be, and I am more tired than I thought I would be. I tried to take the sophomore and junior riding classes, and Steve (Brown, the instructor) told me on day 3 that he thought I would be better and would learn more in the Freshman class. That was a blow to my ego. It was a crushing blow, especially since just 2 years ago, I was good and ready. He said I could stay in the sophomore class, but it was just one thing too much for me. I know that I need to go back to basics, that is clear to me. I ride like a stiff board again. I am nervous (?). I don't really know why, but that tells me that going back to the basics would be a good thing. I have learned some things, for sure, and feel more comfortable than I felt when I was trying to ride with the sophomores and juniors. I might get my associates, or I might get another bachelors on a part time basis. I have enough credits for it, but I would just need to see how that would work with financial aid.
I also have some ideas for internships/apprenticeships. One would be with Jordan, a barrel racer in Utica and Sunbury. One with Sherry in Sunbury, one with Patrick in Sunbury, and one with Mike Craig in Indiana. Or all of them. There are some things I like about all of them. Patrick, I know, is a world champion Reiner. I could learn something from them all. Sherry taught me to properly lunge Kandi, and she is real into Clinton Andersen Natural Horsemanship, which I have seen work. Here is his website. She's calmer than Patrick, which I am definitely more laid back as well. Plus, she doesn't let her ego get in the way- she will let you know if she does not know something. Also, I may show Kandi this Spring, if I have the funds. This means I have to find a job, and this time I want to look for one that I might truly enjoy. One from home might be nice....That would be nice, not having to take out as much money for living expenses....
Also, I am in an Intro to Law class, which is fascinating. I don't know if I want to go into Law or not, but it is certainly an interesting field to study, and I would love to study it more. Also, I have recently become interested in Transportation, specifically RVs and horse trailers. I don't know anything about them, but they are interesting. I think I should just become an entrepreneur. I have so many business interests and I don't like to sit there at a computer....
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Why I decided to have a natural childbirth- and why I will again
The disadvantages would be enough for me to choose to go naturally.
Read them. You should at least know the risk you are putting you and your baby under if you choose an epidural. I know, some cannot do it without one. That's fine. There comes a time when you have to decide, no I cannot do it. I could handle it. Besides, your body makes it's own painkillers. I will pick the article apart to explain why I decided on no epidural, and why I will probably go for a completely natural homebirth next time.
"Epidurals may cause your blood pressure to suddenly drop. For this reason your blood pressure will be routinely checked to help ensure an adequate blood flow to your baby. If there is a sudden drop in blood pressure, you may need to be treated with IV fluids, medications, and oxygen."
Um. No, thank you!!
"You may experience a severe headache caused by leakage of spinal fluid. Less than 1% of women experience this side effect. If symptoms persist, a procedure called a “blood patch”, which is an injection of your blood into the epidural space, can be performed to relieve the headache."
More unnecessary intervention may be needed because of it. Again, no thank you.
"After your epidural is placed, you will need to alternate sides while lying in bed and have continuous monitoring for changes in fetal heart rate. Lying in one position can sometimes cause labor to slow down or stop."
Um. Duh. Laboring in a lying- down position will cause labor to slow down. Why? Gravity...
"You might experience the following side effects: shivering, ringing of the ears, backache, soreness where the needle is inserted, nausea, or difficulty urinating."
Sounds uncomfortable. I do not understand why anyone would choose that. And why does it matter if you have difficulty urinating? You pretty much have to wait to get up until the baby is delivered anyway, in this situation.
"You might find that your epidural makes pushing more difficult and additional interventions such as Pitocin, forceps, vacuum extraction or cesarean might become necessary."
I pushed like a champ and had her out in 6 pushes. Yeah. It's better when you can feel it. I have read births with epidurals can take 15 minutes longer of pushing, and up to two hours. No thank you. I would rather not feel like my vagina is on fire longer than I have to. :D
"For a few hours after the birth the lower half of your body may feel numb. Numbness will require you to walk with assistance."
I do NOT do well with assistance. This alone made me decide not to get an epidural. Plus, I could get up and move around directly afterwards!
"In rare instances, permanent nerve damage may result in the area where the catheter was inserted."
Uh no no no no no!!!!!!!!!! I would like to ride and chase my two year old and NOT worry about back issues later on down the road!!!
"Though research is somewhat ambiguous, most studies suggest that some babies will have trouble "latching on" causing breastfeeding difficulties. Other studies suggest that a baby might experience respiratory depression, fetal malpositioning, and an increase in fetal heart rate variability, thus increasing the need for forceps, vacuum, cesarean deliveries and episiotomies."
I wouldn't want anything to come between my breastfeeding relationship with my baby! Also, I know that BECAUSE epidurals, as a whole, cause labor to slow down, they leave baby more open to infection because as the fluid drips out, the baby's protection against infection get less and less. I don't want that. More babies wind up in the NICU as an indirect result of epidurals than I care to count! I just don't want to leave my baby open to that kind of thing.
Epidurals ARE necessary in some cases:
Read them. You should at least know the risk you are putting you and your baby under if you choose an epidural. I know, some cannot do it without one. That's fine. There comes a time when you have to decide, no I cannot do it. I could handle it. Besides, your body makes it's own painkillers. I will pick the article apart to explain why I decided on no epidural, and why I will probably go for a completely natural homebirth next time.
"Epidurals may cause your blood pressure to suddenly drop. For this reason your blood pressure will be routinely checked to help ensure an adequate blood flow to your baby. If there is a sudden drop in blood pressure, you may need to be treated with IV fluids, medications, and oxygen."
Um. No, thank you!!
"You may experience a severe headache caused by leakage of spinal fluid. Less than 1% of women experience this side effect. If symptoms persist, a procedure called a “blood patch”, which is an injection of your blood into the epidural space, can be performed to relieve the headache."
More unnecessary intervention may be needed because of it. Again, no thank you.
"After your epidural is placed, you will need to alternate sides while lying in bed and have continuous monitoring for changes in fetal heart rate. Lying in one position can sometimes cause labor to slow down or stop."
Um. Duh. Laboring in a lying- down position will cause labor to slow down. Why? Gravity...
"You might experience the following side effects: shivering, ringing of the ears, backache, soreness where the needle is inserted, nausea, or difficulty urinating."
Sounds uncomfortable. I do not understand why anyone would choose that. And why does it matter if you have difficulty urinating? You pretty much have to wait to get up until the baby is delivered anyway, in this situation.
"You might find that your epidural makes pushing more difficult and additional interventions such as Pitocin, forceps, vacuum extraction or cesarean might become necessary."
I pushed like a champ and had her out in 6 pushes. Yeah. It's better when you can feel it. I have read births with epidurals can take 15 minutes longer of pushing, and up to two hours. No thank you. I would rather not feel like my vagina is on fire longer than I have to. :D
"For a few hours after the birth the lower half of your body may feel numb. Numbness will require you to walk with assistance."
I do NOT do well with assistance. This alone made me decide not to get an epidural. Plus, I could get up and move around directly afterwards!
"In rare instances, permanent nerve damage may result in the area where the catheter was inserted."
Uh no no no no no!!!!!!!!!! I would like to ride and chase my two year old and NOT worry about back issues later on down the road!!!
"Though research is somewhat ambiguous, most studies suggest that some babies will have trouble "latching on" causing breastfeeding difficulties. Other studies suggest that a baby might experience respiratory depression, fetal malpositioning, and an increase in fetal heart rate variability, thus increasing the need for forceps, vacuum, cesarean deliveries and episiotomies."
I wouldn't want anything to come between my breastfeeding relationship with my baby! Also, I know that BECAUSE epidurals, as a whole, cause labor to slow down, they leave baby more open to infection because as the fluid drips out, the baby's protection against infection get less and less. I don't want that. More babies wind up in the NICU as an indirect result of epidurals than I care to count! I just don't want to leave my baby open to that kind of thing.
Epidurals ARE necessary in some cases:
- Allows you to rest if your labor is prolonged
- When other types of coping mechanisms are no longer helping, an epidural can help you deal with exhaustion, irritability, and fatigue. An epidural can allow you to rest, relax, get focused and give you the strength to move forward as an active participant in your birth experience.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Why I am pro choice
This is a long list.
Basically, I believe that every child should be a wanted child. You can use the "But people wait years for healthy babies!" excuse all you want, but the fact is, most babies who are aborted are babies who would not have been healthy anyway because their parents were not ready for them and knew that. And there are hundreds of thousands of children in foster care. Adding to the foster care system is not appealing to me.
How many kids emerge from the foster care system severely traumatized? I shudder to think about it!
This is a link of statistics in foster care I absolutely stopped breathing when I read that 65% ARE EMANCIPATED HOMELESS!!!!!! What is wrong with this country that this goes on? I hate to say it, but they may have been better off never having been born...This is statistics of prisoners who grew up in foster care. So, where are all these families waiting for healthy babies? Were they not white enough for them? Were they born with fetal alcohol syndrome and drug addictions and that just did not fit in with their plans? I can't say that I blame them. I wouldn't want to adopt a 3 year old who was sexually abused by her crack head mother's boyfriend when she was 2. That doesn't sound like fun to me! No wonder there are so many unwanted children out there!
I have had people ask me if becoming a mother has changed my view on abortion. No. Not at all. In fact, it has made me support abortion more. And not because I don't love my daughter. Because I know how much work she is, and I knew a lot of the people I have met could not handle that, in any way. I have also seen, and more so heard of, the result of babies born to mothers who were doing drugs. Not pretty, and not healthy. And heard of people smoking crack with their infant child right next to them. They kept them because human instinct is to keep our children close and to take care of them. And at the time, they thought they could take care of them. They honestly, truly believed that. For some, that's enough. But for others, it's not. And the children suffer the consequences. It's simply not ideal to expect many college students, teenagers, and young at heart to part with their children. I still want to be with my daughter, almost all the time. It goes against human instinct for us to give our child to someone else to raise, and not all of us are so unselfish as to find a nice family and give our children to them. That's okay. That's human instinct. I'm sick of people acting like it's not. We all have pain, some of us more than others. For anyone to put down anothers' pain is wrong and in-compassionate.
There are also cases where the baby is just not healthy, or the mother is unhealthy and terminating the pregnancy would allow her to fight to get well. Pregnancy speeds some cancers along, and you cannot do chemo, etc. when you are pregnant. So, the mother will sometimes die before she gives birth. So, baby dies too anyway, or is born extremely unhealthy because the mother was too sick to eat right. Yeah, sounds like a great situation to bring a baby into! Or, she is just super unhealthy while pregnant and gives birth to a stillborn baby 3 months early. I know, not every situation.....but quite a few. An unhealthy baby is not worth it to me. And babies who have down syndrome, etc....okay, maybe you could take care of them their whole life....but eventually you will be old. Then who will take care of you? And them? Some of them are unable to work, so society pours disability money into them. Not that money matters, and maybe these people are put here to teach us something. From my totally non medical opinion, most miscarriages are children who would have been more susceptible to be born with down syndrome, cerebral palsy, etc. but some of them make it through anyway. Should we off them before they make their appearance? I'm not sure, but it might be something I would consider. That's hard on them. Very freakin' hard....Why would we bring someone into the world who is going to have such a hard life? Isn't that cruel? For me, I kind of tend to think so. That's a situational basis, but severe cases of this should not be. I consider it in-compassionate to not terminate a pregnancy with a child who has severe Gastroschisis or some other disease for which all they can do once the child is born is make them comfortable until they die.
For me, quality of life is just as important, if not more so than life itself. It's important for a child to be born whose wanted, who's birth was dreamed about and planned for, because those are usually the children who do well. This is a known fact. Does that mean that children who are not will not do well? Well, no. Life is not black and white. But, I believe that a woman who was raped, or whose birth control failed should not have to adjust their life if they are not ready. Sometimes they are, which is fine. Some will not agree with this and that is fine.
Does that mean I think people should be able to have 5 abortions in 3 years and continue to get pregnant and have abortions? No. I think that is irresponsible. Do I think you should be able to get an abortion after the 1st trimester because your spouse left you? No....I think that's a self involved reason. Is it right for somebody? Maybe. I just think pregnancies are a situational basis, not everyone is READY to be a parent, nor are they READY to give up their child....This is sad, and can be emotionally traumatizing. But I know people who have done it, and I don't think they are murderers. And they know they made the right choice, for them at the time. Good for them.
Would it be right for me? I tend to doubt that, but maybe it would be. Maybe it would not be right at the time, or maybe it would. I have no way of knowing. If I took fertility medications and found out I would be having 5 at once....I think I would terminate the 3 weaker ones, so the other two would have a better chance of thriving. Maybe to you it seems cold hearted, but to me, it's just common sense, and it's kindest for my child(ren).
Basically, I believe that every child should be a wanted child. You can use the "But people wait years for healthy babies!" excuse all you want, but the fact is, most babies who are aborted are babies who would not have been healthy anyway because their parents were not ready for them and knew that. And there are hundreds of thousands of children in foster care. Adding to the foster care system is not appealing to me.
How many kids emerge from the foster care system severely traumatized? I shudder to think about it!
This is a link of statistics in foster care I absolutely stopped breathing when I read that 65% ARE EMANCIPATED HOMELESS!!!!!! What is wrong with this country that this goes on? I hate to say it, but they may have been better off never having been born...This is statistics of prisoners who grew up in foster care. So, where are all these families waiting for healthy babies? Were they not white enough for them? Were they born with fetal alcohol syndrome and drug addictions and that just did not fit in with their plans? I can't say that I blame them. I wouldn't want to adopt a 3 year old who was sexually abused by her crack head mother's boyfriend when she was 2. That doesn't sound like fun to me! No wonder there are so many unwanted children out there!
I have had people ask me if becoming a mother has changed my view on abortion. No. Not at all. In fact, it has made me support abortion more. And not because I don't love my daughter. Because I know how much work she is, and I knew a lot of the people I have met could not handle that, in any way. I have also seen, and more so heard of, the result of babies born to mothers who were doing drugs. Not pretty, and not healthy. And heard of people smoking crack with their infant child right next to them. They kept them because human instinct is to keep our children close and to take care of them. And at the time, they thought they could take care of them. They honestly, truly believed that. For some, that's enough. But for others, it's not. And the children suffer the consequences. It's simply not ideal to expect many college students, teenagers, and young at heart to part with their children. I still want to be with my daughter, almost all the time. It goes against human instinct for us to give our child to someone else to raise, and not all of us are so unselfish as to find a nice family and give our children to them. That's okay. That's human instinct. I'm sick of people acting like it's not. We all have pain, some of us more than others. For anyone to put down anothers' pain is wrong and in-compassionate.
There are also cases where the baby is just not healthy, or the mother is unhealthy and terminating the pregnancy would allow her to fight to get well. Pregnancy speeds some cancers along, and you cannot do chemo, etc. when you are pregnant. So, the mother will sometimes die before she gives birth. So, baby dies too anyway, or is born extremely unhealthy because the mother was too sick to eat right. Yeah, sounds like a great situation to bring a baby into! Or, she is just super unhealthy while pregnant and gives birth to a stillborn baby 3 months early. I know, not every situation.....but quite a few. An unhealthy baby is not worth it to me. And babies who have down syndrome, etc....okay, maybe you could take care of them their whole life....but eventually you will be old. Then who will take care of you? And them? Some of them are unable to work, so society pours disability money into them. Not that money matters, and maybe these people are put here to teach us something. From my totally non medical opinion, most miscarriages are children who would have been more susceptible to be born with down syndrome, cerebral palsy, etc. but some of them make it through anyway. Should we off them before they make their appearance? I'm not sure, but it might be something I would consider. That's hard on them. Very freakin' hard....Why would we bring someone into the world who is going to have such a hard life? Isn't that cruel? For me, I kind of tend to think so. That's a situational basis, but severe cases of this should not be. I consider it in-compassionate to not terminate a pregnancy with a child who has severe Gastroschisis or some other disease for which all they can do once the child is born is make them comfortable until they die.
For me, quality of life is just as important, if not more so than life itself. It's important for a child to be born whose wanted, who's birth was dreamed about and planned for, because those are usually the children who do well. This is a known fact. Does that mean that children who are not will not do well? Well, no. Life is not black and white. But, I believe that a woman who was raped, or whose birth control failed should not have to adjust their life if they are not ready. Sometimes they are, which is fine. Some will not agree with this and that is fine.
Does that mean I think people should be able to have 5 abortions in 3 years and continue to get pregnant and have abortions? No. I think that is irresponsible. Do I think you should be able to get an abortion after the 1st trimester because your spouse left you? No....I think that's a self involved reason. Is it right for somebody? Maybe. I just think pregnancies are a situational basis, not everyone is READY to be a parent, nor are they READY to give up their child....This is sad, and can be emotionally traumatizing. But I know people who have done it, and I don't think they are murderers. And they know they made the right choice, for them at the time. Good for them.
Would it be right for me? I tend to doubt that, but maybe it would be. Maybe it would not be right at the time, or maybe it would. I have no way of knowing. If I took fertility medications and found out I would be having 5 at once....I think I would terminate the 3 weaker ones, so the other two would have a better chance of thriving. Maybe to you it seems cold hearted, but to me, it's just common sense, and it's kindest for my child(ren).
Thursday, April 12, 2012
My first attempt at a short story in.....years!
"He's not quitting football," he said, staring her down, breathing hard. It was as if he thought he could breathe some sense into her. His wife rarely let anyone talk her out of anything, unless she knew she had no choice.
"Oh? And you plan on stopping him?" She stared back at him, not intimidated.
"Yes. He's my son. If I tell him I won't let him, he won't do it! We cannot let him be a quitter, or he will learn that's okay!" He was devastated, but he didn't want to let her know how much it meant to him. They had two older sons, both of whom were currently playing football in college. They had been his prides and joy, and he was determined that his youngest son would make him proud as well. He was the most talented of the three, and had the most potential to make it pro.
"And you honestly think that he would be okay with that? He might continue to play, but he would resent you. Hard core. Is that really worth it to you? He doesn't want football for his life. That's just the way it is. Besides, I've seen him act. He's great at it! The best thing was do for his is encourage him in what he wants to do.If we want him to keep talking to us at least...."
"My goal is NOT to make him want to talk to me! It's to make sure he has a future!," he interrupted. He was getting mad now. Partially because she clearly was not going to back down and partially because he knew she was right and he did not want to admit it. He had pinned a lot of dreams and hopes on Raul, put a lot of hours in with him, sweated and bled with him. For what? What was it all for if he dropped out of football? He could not help but feel let down. His wife recognized that, he could tell. It was annoying, how she knew just what he was thinking all the time. They'd been married for 26 years. That is what happened when you had been married that long. But, it still annoyed him.
"He won't have a future with acting?" She paused, waiting for a reaction from him, but he just glared at her, eyes looking through her rather than at her. "Baby, he is not doing this to punish you." She shrugged, and moved closer to him. "This is what he wants. I know you're disappointed. I am too, honestly. I had hopes that this would be his future. Maybe he could have bought us a house in the Bahamas." She smiled at him, letting him know she was joking. He smiled back, sheepishly. She shrugged again. "It's clearly just not in the clouds for him. We might have a little grieving to do about it, and that's okay. This is life. His life. Haven't you seen him act? He's amazing at it!"
He looked at her, arms crossed, wall back up for a time. Finally we said, "We shall see." He turned around and walked out of the tack room. She smiled, shook her head, and went back to sweeping it out.
"Oh? And you plan on stopping him?" She stared back at him, not intimidated.
"Yes. He's my son. If I tell him I won't let him, he won't do it! We cannot let him be a quitter, or he will learn that's okay!" He was devastated, but he didn't want to let her know how much it meant to him. They had two older sons, both of whom were currently playing football in college. They had been his prides and joy, and he was determined that his youngest son would make him proud as well. He was the most talented of the three, and had the most potential to make it pro.
"And you honestly think that he would be okay with that? He might continue to play, but he would resent you. Hard core. Is that really worth it to you? He doesn't want football for his life. That's just the way it is. Besides, I've seen him act. He's great at it! The best thing was do for his is encourage him in what he wants to do.If we want him to keep talking to us at least...."
"My goal is NOT to make him want to talk to me! It's to make sure he has a future!," he interrupted. He was getting mad now. Partially because she clearly was not going to back down and partially because he knew she was right and he did not want to admit it. He had pinned a lot of dreams and hopes on Raul, put a lot of hours in with him, sweated and bled with him. For what? What was it all for if he dropped out of football? He could not help but feel let down. His wife recognized that, he could tell. It was annoying, how she knew just what he was thinking all the time. They'd been married for 26 years. That is what happened when you had been married that long. But, it still annoyed him.
"He won't have a future with acting?" She paused, waiting for a reaction from him, but he just glared at her, eyes looking through her rather than at her. "Baby, he is not doing this to punish you." She shrugged, and moved closer to him. "This is what he wants. I know you're disappointed. I am too, honestly. I had hopes that this would be his future. Maybe he could have bought us a house in the Bahamas." She smiled at him, letting him know she was joking. He smiled back, sheepishly. She shrugged again. "It's clearly just not in the clouds for him. We might have a little grieving to do about it, and that's okay. This is life. His life. Haven't you seen him act? He's amazing at it!"
He looked at her, arms crossed, wall back up for a time. Finally we said, "We shall see." He turned around and walked out of the tack room. She smiled, shook her head, and went back to sweeping it out.
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