Why I decided to have a natural childbirth- and why I will again

The disadvantages would be enough for me to choose to go naturally. 

Read them. You should at least know the risk you are putting you and your baby under if you choose an epidural. I know, some cannot do it without one. That's fine. There comes a time when you have to decide, no I cannot do it. I could handle it. Besides, your body makes it's own painkillers. I will pick the article apart to explain why I decided on no epidural, and why I will probably go for a completely natural homebirth next time.

"Epidurals may cause your blood pressure to suddenly drop. For this reason your blood pressure will be routinely checked to help ensure an adequate blood flow to your baby. If there is a sudden drop in blood pressure, you may need to be treated with IV fluids, medications, and oxygen."

Um. No, thank you!!

"You may experience a severe headache caused by leakage of spinal fluid. Less than 1% of women experience this side effect. If symptoms persist, a procedure called a “blood patch”, which is an injection of your blood into the epidural space, can be performed to relieve the headache."

More unnecessary intervention may be needed because of it. Again, no thank you.

 "After your epidural is placed, you will need to alternate sides while lying in bed and have continuous monitoring for changes in fetal heart rate. Lying in one position can sometimes cause labor to slow down or stop."

Um. Duh. Laboring in a lying- down position will cause labor to slow down. Why? Gravity...

"You might experience the following side effects: shivering, ringing of the ears, backache, soreness where the needle is inserted, nausea, or difficulty urinating."

Sounds uncomfortable. I do not understand why anyone would choose that. And why does it matter if you have difficulty urinating? You pretty much have to wait to get up until the baby is delivered anyway, in this situation.

"You might find that your epidural makes pushing more difficult and additional interventions such as Pitocin, forceps, vacuum extraction or cesarean might become necessary."

I pushed like a champ and had her out in 6 pushes. Yeah. It's better when you can feel it. I have read births with epidurals can take 15 minutes longer of pushing, and up to two hours. No thank you. I would rather not feel like my vagina is on fire longer than I have to. :D

"For a few hours after the birth the lower half of your body may feel numb. Numbness will require you to walk with assistance."

I do NOT do well with assistance. This alone made me decide not to get an epidural. Plus, I could get up and move around directly afterwards!

"In rare instances, permanent nerve damage may result in the area where the catheter was inserted."

Uh no no no no no!!!!!!!!!! I would like to ride and chase my two year old and NOT worry about back issues later on down the road!!!

"Though research is somewhat ambiguous, most studies suggest that some babies will have trouble "latching on" causing breastfeeding difficulties. Other studies suggest that a baby might experience respiratory depression, fetal malpositioning, and an increase in fetal heart rate variability, thus increasing the need for forceps, vacuum, cesarean deliveries and episiotomies."

I wouldn't want anything to come between my breastfeeding relationship with my baby! Also, I know that BECAUSE epidurals, as a whole, cause labor to slow down, they leave baby more open to infection because as the fluid drips out, the baby's protection against infection get less and less. I don't want that. More babies wind up in the NICU as an indirect result of epidurals than I care to count! I just don't want to leave my baby open to that kind of thing.

Epidurals ARE necessary in some cases:

• Allows you to rest if your labor is prolonged
• When other types of coping mechanisms are no longer helping, an epidural can help you deal with exhaustion, irritability, and fatigue. An epidural can allow you to rest, relax, get focused and give you the strength to move forward as an active participant in your birth experience.

I don't judge others, but I know that for my babies and I, a natural labor IS the right choice. It DOES work for me. I have proven that, especially since I was given pitocin to try to speed labor along and it WORKED!!! Ouch! However, I don't want to be forced into that again. This is why I believe a home birth is the way for me to go next time. 

Why I am pro choice

This is a long list.

Basically, I believe that every child should be a wanted child. You can use the "But people wait years for healthy babies!" excuse all you want, but the fact is, most babies who are aborted are babies who would not have been healthy anyway because their parents were not ready for them and knew that. And there are hundreds of thousands of children in foster care. Adding to the foster care system is not appealing to me.

How many kids emerge from the foster care system severely traumatized? I shudder to think about it!
This is a link of statistics in foster care I absolutely stopped breathing when I read that 65% ARE EMANCIPATED HOMELESS!!!!!! What is wrong with this country that this goes on? I hate to say it, but they may have been better off never having been born...This is statistics of prisoners who grew up in foster care. So, where are all these families waiting for healthy babies? Were they not white enough for them? Were they born with fetal alcohol syndrome and drug addictions and that just did not fit in with their plans? I can't say that I blame them. I wouldn't want to adopt a 3 year old who was sexually abused by her crack head mother's boyfriend when she was 2. That doesn't sound like fun to me! No wonder there are so many unwanted children out there!

I have had people ask me if becoming a mother has changed my view on abortion. No. Not at all. In fact, it has made me support abortion more. And not because I don't love my daughter. Because I know how much work she is, and I knew a lot of the people I have met could not handle that, in any way. I have also seen, and more so heard of, the result of babies born to mothers who were doing drugs. Not pretty, and not healthy. And heard of people smoking crack with their infant child right next to them. They kept them because human instinct is to keep our children close and to take care of them. And at the time, they thought they could take care of them. They honestly, truly believed that. For some, that's enough. But for others, it's not. And the children suffer the consequences. It's simply not ideal to expect many college students, teenagers, and young at heart to part with their children. I still want to be with my daughter, almost all the time. It goes against human instinct for us to give our child to someone else to raise, and not all of us are so unselfish as to find a nice family and give our children to them. That's okay. That's human instinct. I'm sick of people acting like it's not. We all have pain, some of us more than others. For anyone to put down anothers' pain is wrong and in-compassionate.

There are also cases where the baby is just not healthy, or the mother is unhealthy and terminating the pregnancy would allow her to fight to get well. Pregnancy speeds some cancers along, and you cannot do chemo, etc. when you are pregnant. So, the mother will sometimes die before she gives birth. So, baby dies too anyway, or is born extremely unhealthy because the mother was too sick to eat right. Yeah, sounds like a great situation to bring a baby into! Or, she is just super unhealthy while pregnant and gives birth to a stillborn baby 3 months early. I know, not every situation.....but quite a few. An unhealthy baby is not worth it to me. And babies who have down syndrome, etc....okay, maybe you could take care of them their whole life....but eventually you will be old. Then who will take care of you? And them? Some of them are unable to work, so society pours disability money into them. Not that money matters, and maybe these people are put here to teach us something. From my totally non medical opinion, most miscarriages are children who would have been more susceptible to be born with down syndrome, cerebral palsy, etc. but some of them make it through anyway. Should we off them before they make their appearance? I'm not sure, but it might be something I would consider. That's hard on them. Very freakin' hard....Why would we bring someone into the world who is going to have such a hard life? Isn't that cruel? For me, I kind of tend to think so.  That's a situational basis, but severe cases of this should not be. I consider it in-compassionate to not terminate a pregnancy with a child who has severe Gastroschisis or some other disease for which all they can do once the child is born is make them comfortable until they die.

For me, quality of life is just as important, if not more so than life itself. It's important for a child to be born whose wanted, who's birth was dreamed about and planned for, because those are usually the children who do well. This is a known fact. Does that mean that children who are not will not do well? Well, no. Life is not black and white. But, I believe that a woman who was raped, or whose birth control failed should not have to adjust their life if they are not ready. Sometimes they are, which is fine. Some will not agree with this and that is fine.

Does that mean I think people should be able to have 5 abortions in 3 years and continue to get pregnant and have abortions? No. I think that is irresponsible. Do I think you should be able to get an abortion after the 1st trimester because your spouse left you? No....I think that's a self involved reason. Is it right for somebody? Maybe. I just think pregnancies are a situational basis, not everyone is READY to be a parent, nor are they READY to give up their child....This is sad, and can be emotionally traumatizing. But I know people who have done it, and I don't think they are murderers. And they know they made the right choice, for them at the time. Good for them.

Would it be right for me? I tend to doubt that, but maybe it would be. Maybe it would not be right at the time, or maybe it would. I have no way of knowing. If I took fertility medications and found out I would be having 5 at once....I think I would terminate the 3 weaker ones, so the other two would have a better chance of thriving. Maybe to you it seems cold hearted, but to me, it's just common sense, and it's kindest for my child(ren).
 

My first attempt at a short story in.....years!

"He's not quitting football," he said, staring her down, breathing hard. It was as if he thought he could breathe some sense into her. His wife rarely let anyone talk her out of anything, unless she knew she had no choice.

"Oh? And you plan on stopping him?" She stared back at him, not intimidated.

"Yes. He's my son. If I tell him I won't let him, he won't do it! We cannot let him be a quitter, or he will learn that's okay!" He was devastated, but he didn't want to let her know how much it meant to him. They had two older sons, both of whom were currently playing football in college. They had been his prides and joy, and he was determined that his youngest son would make him proud as well. He was the most talented of the three, and had the most potential to make it pro.

"And you honestly think that he would be okay with that? He might continue to play, but he would resent you. Hard core. Is that really worth it to you? He doesn't want football for his life. That's just the way it is. Besides, I've seen him act. He's great at it! The best thing was do for his is encourage him in what he wants to do.If we want him to keep talking to us at least...."
"My goal is NOT to make him want to talk to me! It's to make sure he has a future!," he interrupted. He was getting mad now. Partially because she clearly was not going to back down and partially because he knew she was right and he did not want to admit it. He had pinned a lot of dreams and hopes on Raul, put a lot of hours in with him, sweated and bled with him. For what? What was it all for if he dropped out of football? He could not help but feel let down. His wife recognized that, he could tell. It was annoying, how she knew just what he was thinking all the time. They'd been married for 26 years. That is what happened when you had been married that long. But, it still annoyed him.

"He won't have a future with acting?" She paused, waiting for a reaction from him, but he just glared at her, eyes looking through her rather than at her. "Baby, he is not doing this to punish you." She shrugged, and moved closer to him. "This is what he wants. I know you're disappointed. I am too, honestly. I had hopes that this would be his future. Maybe he could have bought us a house in the Bahamas." She smiled at him, letting him know she was joking. He smiled back, sheepishly. She shrugged again. "It's clearly just not in the clouds for him. We might have a little grieving to do about it, and that's okay. This is life. His life. Haven't you seen him act? He's amazing at it!"

He looked at her, arms crossed, wall back up for a time. Finally we said, "We shall see." He turned around and walked out of the tack room. She smiled, shook her head, and went back to sweeping it out. 

Week without baby

So, this last week, Kiley has been in Arizona with my parents.

I am not one of those moms that likes to be without their baby often. I enjoyed some time to myself, yes, but I couldn't wait to be with her again! I hung out with Tim, and that was nice, plenty of time just for us. But, at the end of the day, I just wanted to be with Kiley.

Unless you are a parent, you cannot understand what it's like to be without your child. It's like being a fish without water, or a turtle without a shell. You grow used to seeing them everyday, to taking care of them everyday. When they are not there, you almost do not know what to do with yourself.

I'm so glad to be back with my little bean! She gave me all kinds of kisses when I saw her! She was obviously a little tired, but happy to see mommy nonetheless. And I was SUPER happy to see her!!!!
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I want more babies, but not anytime soon. Right now, I'm enjoying being Kiley's mommy. I want to watch her grow before I add more complication to the mix. I will at least be waiting until my Mirena comes out in October of 2015. That is for sure.

You already know that I want to ride horses. That's nothing new. I don't see it happening unless I go back to school. I always used to want to go to Findlay, and I am seriously thinking about going there for another two bachelors, one in Equestrian Studies with an Emphasis in Western Riding and Training AND one in pre law. My mother would prefer that I did not, but it is looking more and more like the right choice. I prayed for God to show my the answer, and my high school transcript was waiting on the desk when I went to get it. What? I graduated almost 5 years ago. That, to me, is a sign. I know I'll have to work, but I miss school. And I want to ride, or somehow be involved with horses to make my living. I am starting to think that I may want to do Equine Law, as well. Plans would change, but if it's what God wants, things will work out the way they are supposed to.