Book review of Frankenstein

Frankenstein was hard to read, I cannot even lie about that.

Why?

Because Victor was complaining about his deplorable situation the entire time. It may have been easier to feel sorry for him if he hadn't PUT HIMSELF IN IT! He created this creature, and then ran away from it and didn't see it for three years. It was like an abandoned baby. Um, why yes! It would have gone bad! Duh!

Abandoned children tend to have issues bonding. Why? Because they HAVE NOT bonded. You have to learn to do things, even bond. If you are not taught, you will not know how.

I feel like the Creature would have had a better chance of fitting into society if Victor had stayed with him and taught him how to be a normal human being, rather than abandoning him for three years and then telling him to go away when he found him. So many things are wrong with that, I don't even know where to start....

The only truly interesting parts involved the Creature telling his story. Yes, the Creature threatened Victor, but he didn't know any other way to not feel lonely. I am convinced of it. He had the human need to bond with another living being. And, at the end, the Creature expressed remorse for the harm he had caused Victor and his family.

I think Shelley meant to make the Creature one we could feel sympathy for, and that we were supposed to feel sympathy for Victor, too. But, she missed the boat on that one. I didn't feel sympathy for Victor. I felt annoyance and utter disgust. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that Tobey abandoned Kiley, and Victor abandoned the Creature. Deadbeat dads are useless in my mind. They waste good space. Victor wasted good space. It's almost as though Shelley was trying to make us feel more sorry for Victor, but I couldn't....

Having said that, I think Victor's initial intentions were good. He wanted people to be able to bring people that they loved back to life, but he also wanted these people to look to him as GOD, so MAYBE his ultimate intentions were selfish...hmmm.

I don't think that Victor should have destroyed the female creature, since he obviously was not going to try to assimilate his "child"- the Creature- into society. It's only fair, and it would help the Creature to fulfill that human need for a mate. Selfish? Possibly. Useful? Yes. I am not always against selfishness. I'm just not. Sometimes, human beings have to be selfish- so long as another is not negatively impacted. I feel strongly about that.

I also think that Shelley imposed too much drama into the story line. I think the book could have done with a little more toning down. Too much drama doesn't make a story believable. Although, if she were not going for believable, she did a good job tying everything together.

As a whole, I did not like the book. I found it to be whiny and overly dramatic. I tried to get into it. I did, but I just couldn't get past the whining. I haven't given up on Shelley yet. I will try to read her other books before I pass judgment on her writing!

Living up to my own expectations

A common theme in my life has always been that I don't meet my expectations. I do today, even moreso Friday, but tomorrow, something may happen and and I'll flip back to that place where I don't meet my expectations.

Why? Because other people's opinions of me still has an effect on me. BUT, and some may not agree, I don't always think that that is necessarily a bad thing.

When you are trying to start your career, other people who have been doing it longer than you, people who are, frankly, better than you at what you are doing, will give you honest opinions that may or may not be helpful. BUT, I find that in 9 cases out of 10, they are, because they are honest. I have not had experience with instructors who were kind AND honest, but that is what I find I have at Findlay. They don't tell you that you are better than or worse than another, and they said that they never would.

And their philosophy is unspoken, that the idea is to improve on YOUR personal best, not to compete with other people. I think that is brilliant.

I've always been told that I'm better than so and so and that I will NEVER be as good as so and so. I've not heard too much that I've improved my personal best, but here I do. So, it is good to base your opinions of yourself off of certain things people say, off of constructive criticism. Also, there is beauty in separating the pieces of you. If someone is criticizing my riding, for example, they are not criticizing who I am as a person. If someone is suggesting that I ought to look at this side of myself and figure out what is causing me to behave the way I am, I know that they are simply trying to be helpful. As long as I use that as an opportunity to grow, whether or not what they are saying is accurate, there is growth to be gained from that comment. If I let it cause me to cry myself to sleep for weeks on end, that is a different story.

The point that I am trying to get out here is that there are multiple shades of grey when it comes to letting another get to us. What matters is what we do with it. If I do inventory, speak to my sponsor, speak to some friends and honestly tell that what happened and we decide that it's not accurate, I let it go. Sometimes, I have to let that person go too. NOBODY is worth my serenity, except Kiley. If it is helpful, I will work on that area, and not complain about it. If you are actively trying to improve me or my riding, I will take what you say into account and try that. And I will actively try to figure out if what you are saying is the truth, unless I already know it is. I DO care about what you think of me, if you know what you are talking about. The difference is that today, it won't consume me the way it did.

My basic expectations today is to keep improving ME. Don't take steps backwards. And if I do, I cannot beat myself up for it. I just have to work on getting back on track. This program, and this life, is about progress, not perfection. Today, it's a little easier to remember that than it was three years ago. 

Muse

My muse is hiding. I have tried to post entertaining stuff on here in the past, and it simply has not worked. I used to be able to write very entertaining things, then I got hardcore into drinking and have been in recovery for over three years but...my stuff here lately has not been so entertaining. The only logical explanation that I can come up with is that my muse must be hiding from me.... and I cannot find her/him/it. It's on the tip of my tongue, but I just cannot find the words. I have so much STUFF running through my head day in and day out. It's like cars traveling at a fast speed on a highway and I cannot get it to hold still long enough to write about it, which is too bad, because I LOVE to write.

Speaking of that car.... it not only is going fast, but it is doing all kinds of loops and spins and rolls. It is a mess, with dents and scratches all over, much like my brain....The only way to get it out of this funk is to force it out. Write. I'll write about Kiley below.

Here is Kiley on her 2nd birthday. All kinds of happy! She was riding her new tricycle in her helmet and fairy costume. All birthday presents, other than the helmet. She loves them! She also likes putting on lipstick, which she was given by my friends, Marilyn and Genna, for her birthday! She is so beautiful, which is surprising, seeing as neither her father or I are exactly beautiful. Decent looking, yes. Beautiful, no. Am I putting me down? No, but I am honest about myself. I am beautiful on the inside today, some days more than others. But, I make beautiful children, and she is a perfect example! She loves riding Kandi (my horse) and playing with dolls. And I love HER! When she was born, I never could have imagined how much, but she breaks the mold every day, makes my heart swell with pride, and teaches me what life is REALLY all about.

Oh, muse, come back soon!

Modern Life

So, I was informed recently that my blog post about why I am pro-choice made me sound selfish. Combing through it, I am unsure which part makes me sound selfish. The part where I say every child should be wanted? Or the part where I say that we shouldn't put children here who will only suffer unnecessarily? Or the part where I said that MOST foster children are emancipated homeless? Perhaps someone ought to clear that up for me. I am quite confused. I rather think that all those reasons are selfless and that the conservative idea that babies should live, but not have any other assistance if needed it quite selfish, that QUALITY of life is just as important as the existence of it. So sue me. If that makes ME selfish, so be it. I guess I am selfish.

I started school at University of Findlay on August 20. It wasn't quite what I thought it would be, and I am more tired than I thought I would be. I tried to take the sophomore and junior riding classes, and Steve (Brown, the instructor) told me on day 3 that he thought I would be better and would learn more in the Freshman class. That was a blow to my ego. It was a crushing blow, especially since just 2 years ago, I was good and ready. He said I could stay in the sophomore class, but it was just one thing too much for me. I know that I need to go back to basics, that is clear to me. I ride like a stiff board again. I am nervous (?). I don't really know why, but that tells me that going back to the basics would be a good thing. I have learned some things, for sure, and feel more comfortable than I felt when I was trying to ride with the sophomores and juniors. I might get my associates, or I might get another bachelors on a part time basis. I have enough credits for it, but I would just need to see how that would work with financial aid.

I also have some ideas for internships/apprenticeships. One would be with Jordan, a barrel racer in Utica and Sunbury. One with Sherry in Sunbury, one with Patrick in Sunbury, and one with Mike Craig in Indiana. Or all of them. There are some things I like about all of them. Patrick, I know, is a world champion Reiner. I could learn something from them all. Sherry taught me to properly lunge Kandi, and she is real into Clinton Andersen Natural Horsemanship, which I have seen work. Here is his website. She's calmer than Patrick, which I am definitely more laid back as well. Plus, she doesn't let her ego get in the way- she will let you know if she does not know something. Also, I may show Kandi this Spring, if I have the funds. This means I have to find a job, and this time I want to look for one that I might truly enjoy. One from home might be nice....That would be nice, not having to take out as much money for living expenses....

Also, I am in an Intro to Law class, which is fascinating. I don't know if I want to go into Law or not, but it is certainly an interesting field to study, and I would love to study it more. Also, I have recently become interested in Transportation, specifically RVs and horse trailers. I don't know anything about them, but they are interesting. I think I should just become an entrepreneur. I have so many business interests and I don't like to sit there at a computer....